Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Crush on You

I have a crush.

Now, before you all go calling my husband, mother, mother-in-law, let me explain.

I have a crush on a woman.

For those of you who read neither Cosmo nor the New York Times, the times defines a "girl crush" as the following: "A girl crush refers to that fervent infatuation that one heterosexual woman develops for another woman who may seem impossibly sophisticated, gifted, beautiful or accomplished. And while a girl crush is, by its informal definition, not sexual in nature, the feelings that it triggers - excitement, nervousness, a sense of novelty - are very much like those that accompany a new romance"

OK, I don't know about all of that fervent infatuation stuff, but it's kind of like I have stumbled upon another, nicer, version of myself. Except this version wakes up with smooth, soft looking skin, whereas I must wash, tone, dab on eye cream, lightly moisturize and Maybelline mousse my skin into submission. And she's smart. When we talk about our problems, it's often eerie how similar they are. And when she is going through a tough time, I am actually angry FOR her. As in how DARE he, she, them do that to US!

And now, she might be leaving.

I'm actually kind of sad*. It's a weird feeling to want someone to stay somewhere, even if you know that to leave may be the best thing for them. I guess this is mostly my fault. I should have "played the field" a little with my friendships. I shouldn't have put all of my eggs in one basket. And so on and so forth with the cliches. I mean who will I call when I want to know how to make Basmati rice? Or who will tell me whether I'm being out of line when I harp on the bad a$$ kids who came into the office? (BTW: She usually agrees. Those food court kids are the WORST!)

Of course, all of this is very selfish on my part, and it's not fair to want her to stay because I won't have anyone to talk to. But my inner child is still whining, "But I'm not good at long-distance relationships!"

All of this is to say: whether she stays or not, she will still be my friend and my sister and I want for her whatever is best for her life and her family. To you I say: You are a beautiful, smart, and talented woman. Don't ever let anyone make you think or feel otherwise. Because they're wrong.

*Disclaimer: Yes, I do have feelings for those of you who claim to have never seen them exhibited. And no one shall ever speak of this to me again. After all, I can't have people thinking No Limit has gone soft, can I?

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