Gin & Juice - AKA Don't fry chicken when you're drunk

After an exhausting day, I am FINALLY at home, after lugging groceries from the underground garage to our apartment. When I get inside, I see the hubby on the computer, draining the last of a MGD. I’ve had a long day and he’s already set the standard so I decide to make myself a little after-work drink as well. Only I always forget that my drinks get you to’ up. And this one was no exception. Mixed up a little concoction of OJ, citrus vodka and triple sec, with a splash of grenadine. Thought I’d be OK because I used the Smirnoff and not the Grey Goose, but dammit if my juice to alcohol ratio is out of whack and by the time the chicken finished, marinating I was feeling pretty dang good.

So, the oil’s in the pan heating and I start to season and batter the chicken. By the time I put the first piece of chicken in the oil, I’m actually tipsy. But I’m still trying to maintain. So I got the chicken sizzling, mashing the potatoes and have peas boiling on the stove. But I’m also totally violating the cardinal rule of the kitchen – pot handles should never face out! So of course I almost knock over the chicken in it’s hot a$$ grease AND the peas. I regain my composure in enough time to prevent any catastrophes, but it’s a struggle. I guess the bratwurst I ate for lunch wasn’t good enough to let me sip on a lil’ something without overdoing it.

It’s going OK, despite my failed attempt to get on the computer and fry chicken at the same time – I kept envisioning myself typing away as a grease fire blazed in kitchen. And in Germany, there is no law that each apartment has to be equipped with a fire extinguisher. I was told that we had one for the tenants to share – and it’s in the basement. It got kind of perilous when I tried to make gravy, though. I had lots of grease in the pan and I didn’t want to pour it out because I wanted it to fry a second batch of chicken the next day. So I figure I’ll take the grease off the heat, get a smaller pan, put some drippings in it and make the gravy. Only when I started to do it, the grease was sloshing everywhere – much like my mind at this point. I’m able to set it down without starting a fire and proceed to make my gravy. So I’m putting in flour, stirring it around as usual, with my cup of water next to me. And I put in more and more flour until it had thickened up a bit. But right before putting in the water, a clear voice came through in my muddled mind – “Doesn’t it thicken up AFTER I put the water in?” It does. So I have this thick mess of flour and grease, and I hear the hubby turning off the water in the shower. So, what do I do? The only thing I could do – throw it away.

“I was going to make gravy but I changed my mind,” I told him.

The meal was damn good though – but don’t try this at home - you might end up burning the house down.