Thursday, June 15, 2006

Still here

I am a source of power
I am excited journey
I am a rock of patience
I am a whisper singing

I am unbridled freedom
I am the thoughtful thinking
I am a love unshattered
I am the great orgasm

And if you don't recognize my presence, I am here
And if you don't recognize my presence, I am here

- Jill Scott, Beautifully Human

I've been getting my ass whooped. First by Woodstock and now, Da Riddler has joined in. And not one of those Go-get-my-belt whuppins. One of those -go-pick-a-switch-off-da-tree-and-don't-bring-the-smallest-or-two-get-twisted-together type of whuppins. First Woodstock started it, urging me to get on my game, scolding me when I didn't.

But my line sister REALLY tore into me in an IM convo. I'm green, she's pink.

nolimit :what's up?
Riddler:not much and u
nolimit: exhausted ... but writing class is at 6 so just waiting for that.
Riddler: cool, writing class
Riddler:oh i can't wait for the finished product
nolimit: and I'm such a slacker ... still where I was two days ago ... the class will be disappointed
Riddler : SHAPE UP NO LIMIT
Riddler: what's wrong with you
Riddler:what's the prob?
nolimit : I know ... I don't know - unmotivated but that's what the class is for, motivation. When I get home, so tired, and then too much other BS going on. Might quit the church thing ...
nolimit:i mean as church secretary
Riddler:blah blah blah
Riddler: excuses is all i'm hearing
nolimit : i know, not giving excuses, I realize my slacker tendencies ...
Riddler : anything worth having is worth working for
Riddler: stop talkin about it and be about, u've gotten soft since u left the states

Damn Riddler, it's like that? But she's right, and so is Woodstock. During my bachelorette party onne of my bridesmaids read a survey she had put together where Wood answered questions and we decided whether or not they were true. What really struck me, forever solidying my love for him was the answer to the question "What does she hate most." The answer? "When people say they're going to do things and don't do them."

And I've become what I hate most. So I'm making a change here and now. Today. And I'm gonna do the damn thang. As for the name change, sansamor was my past name, the name that shackled me to a past that I'm no longer living in. And as Wood put it, it's just sad.

So No Limit is back. Reading the IM over, even I had to admit that I've gotten soft. A punk.

No Limit gets what she wants.

No Limit wins a journalism scholarship without a portfolio - in fact with only poems written on torn out steno pad paper.

No Limit talks the Dean of the School into letting her keep her scholarship even after Effing up for two semesters.

No Limit holds down 3 jobs while in undergrad so she doesn' have to ask moms for money.

No Limit goes to grad school and gets a full-time job out of it and a university teaching position.

And if you're not about my progress, stay the hell out of my way, cause I'm coming through.

3 comments:

Tha_Riddler said...

Hell yea!! Welcome Back LS! Now let's see what you got. I'm proud of you.

The Sarccastik Variable Why said...

"No Limit holds down 3 jobs while in undergrad so she doesn' have to ask moms for money."...damn girl...handle your bidness (business)

No Limit said...

I gotta make that paper! lol. But really, the first time I've held less than 2 jobs since college is probably since I've been here. And trust me, I TRIED to figure out how to get a side hookup!