Today, I sat down to do something I've been - sadly - prone to do when I'm not feeling particularly useful - Google my former colleagues and classmates. And yes, my Googling is as depressing as you'd think it would be. Inevitably, said colleagues and classmates have become wildly successful, while I am just now getting back on track career-wise after following Woodstock from place to place with the Army. I'd long since resigned myself to the fact that while I was whiling away in Germany, countless journalists were graduating from college and countless others, having graduated around the same time as I, were forging ahead in their careers. And don't even get me started on the the time I could have spent writing instead of taking that year off (what was I thinking, working at a beauty salon?) and going to grad school (even some of the faculty questioned why I'd get another journalism degree instead of working). But I digress. Besides reinforcing my nothingness in the world, my doing this actually has a purpose. It is lighting a fire under me to make me do something more. Something I have wanted to do for a while, but got swept to the side as I hosted coffees, led Girl Scout meetings, talked to soldiers about how to get jobs after the Army, hung yellow ribbons and did all manner of things a good Army wife and community member would do.
So, I'm starting again, but this time, I'll stop short of setting impossible goals for myself. I've already had to rein myself in, knowing that if I put too much on myself, I'll never get anything done. So my goals this time are only two-fold. 1) Start my DA career and 2) start my web site (with the assistance of the ever-reliable Roadrunner of course). And I won't beat myself up if it's not done in a month, because this go around, I think I've finally figured out what it is that makes stepping out on faith so difficult.
It's that life never stops, not even for a minute. And like the little girl standing next to the double dutch ropes waiting for an opening, or the little boy waiting to jump on a merry-go-round, I'm going to wait my turn.
And I will get on.