Monday, September 11, 2006

This Too Shall Pass

Well, the day has finally come. Woodstock left last week.

And it was more difficult than I thought it would be. The actual leaving – the hour we get for family time, and watching the bus leave – wasn’t so bad. Our pastors and their family and another minister came out to support us and another brother that left that day. We laughed and joked and prayed during that hour. It wasn’t sad at all; I didn’t cry. But maybe that’s because I’d already had my time a week prior at church. Everyone who was deploying was asked to come to the front for prayer and I just lost it. I mean, I didn’t fall out or anything like that, I just quietly excused myself. I think that’s when reality really set in for me. I’m hoping the first night apart is the hardest. I held on the entire day – alternately reading O magazine and Cosmo; talking to friends and family on the phone; watching the 1st season of Grey’s Anatomy. But in the end, all those distractions – along with an apple martini or two – still didn’t do anything to numb the pain that he won’t be around every day. I’ll look at the grass growing higher, but he won’t be here to do anything about it. Or when my car’s acting funny, I’ll be the one to actually set things up. When I’ve had a bad day, and come home, only Taz will be here to hear it. The worst part for me right now is that I've always thought I was a pretty strong person, but this situation has me feeling differently, like maybe I'm not as strong as I thought. I don't know.

A week later, I'm feeling a little bit better. I gave myself from the day he left until today to get my s%%t together. So today I finally got up and mowed the grass. Then Taz locked me out of the house (don't ask) so I had to jump the fence, go to a neighbor's house, call my friend with the extra key and wait on my doorstep like an idiot. But that little bit actually showed me that I'll be OK, even in a difficult situation and has made me grateful for my neighbors (OK, we really just met today) and friends. I even went to the gym, ran some errands and made an appointment for a job. (FYI, my old job was temporary and despite my boss's best intentions, my extension and rehiring were denied)

I've also received to date one phone call and several e-mails from Woodstock so it feels good have some contact. I even called and chatted with mom-in-law. I know this is random because I wrote it over the whole week - I wasn't playing about not doing anything for a week. So during this time, I still have a lot to stay busy. Hopefully a new job (part-time), I'll start sending out some queries about writing freelance, and I'm in a play.

Plus, I have to spend some of this month mentally preparing for my mom's trip here next month.

But that's a whole 'nother post.

p.s. I totally can't figure out how to post pictures anymore, so from now on any new pics we take are on the flickr thing on the left.

4 comments:

Woodstock said...

Thank you for finally cutting the grass. That's why I tried to get you out there before I left. I'll keep contacting you when I have the time. Things have been fast and busy for us, but I'm finally beginning to get into a routine. If you don't hear something from me for a day or two, it's not because I'm not thinking about you. Thanks for the picture. Even though I don't like it (and neither do you) I still keep it in my laptop so that I'll can glance at you while I'm watching a movie or working on powerpoint or excel. I love you!!!

Tha _Riddler said...

Everything will be ok. Take this time to see what God has planned for you and you alone. Sometimes God needs some "Us" time too. You know I'm here for you. You're strong, you're a NO LIMIT solider, remember that. :) Love ya, God Bless

shawn said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I don't know you, but I just somehow stumbled upon your blog from doing a google search on Tia Williams and Lola Ogunnaike(perhaps tis fate). Anyhoo, I happened to be googling Lola Ogunnaike, who's Nigerian, because I'm Nigerian and I saw her on TV a couple of days ago doing her thang. That search made me come across Tia Williams, who is her best friend, and they're both living what I would have envisioned to be my life when I was younger. This got me really depressed for a while at the stagnation that I'm currently experiencing in my life, but also made me focused. I'm not married, but I do have a long term finace (we've been together for 9 years, since my freshman year in college), and I feel like I've just hit a roadblock where I haven't been pursuing my dreams like I wanted. After reading that, I decided that I'm going to start working towards starting my own magazine. This will give me the creative outlet I'm looking for, as well as have me working towards something to secure my future. Anyways, I don't me to go on and on on your blog, but I just thought it was interesting that their lives had the same effect on you as it did on me. I would love to work on it with someone with the same passion as mine, which is hard to come across in my circle of friends. If you're interested, email me at funke55@hotmail.com, and we can talk about it further.

On another note, I know how it feels to be completely in sync with your love, and all of a sudden experience an abrupt change where he has to go away. The first time I experienced this was when I was in college, and my love went away for almost 4 months on a Semester at Sea program. I didn't think I would be able to get through that semester without him, but in a weird sort of way, it made us closer, while making me more independent. I also got a lot closer to my friends during that semester, which was a blessing. We've had other times where we had to be apart (won't bore you with the details), but while I agree it's hard, I look back at those times with certain fondness. I don't know how much he's going to be gone for, but as you say...this too shall pass. Take care, and I wish you luck.