Thursday, May 04, 2006

Hey Mama



Anyone who knows me, also knows that I'm not too keen on children. I'm totally not ready for my own yet, and can usually only take others' in small doses - no offense to my friends with kids. But you already know this. Plus, your kids aren't bad ass food court kids either, but I digress. Even so, I have buried in the deep recesses of my mind that I will have kids eventually. However, even deeper in the recesses is the fear that I will be the worst.mother.ever.

This seems to be evidenced by what I will refer to as "Plant Cemetary."

The Army is doing this thing to promote clean-up and beautification so they gave out free flowers. My co-worker, being nice, picked up some for me. Me, being a smart ass, motioned to the plant/tree next to my computer.

"Don't you see how this plant looks?" I could practically see the damn thing dying right before my eyes. I think I've watered the plant probably 5 X's in the 7 months I've worked there. And 3 of those times was with carbonated water I'd left sitting in a cup overnight.

But I figured, what's the worst that could happen and we planned to meet at our cars after work so i could get the flowers.

The "flowers" turned out to be 4 plants in a plastic thing. I saw maybe one flower out of the four.

"Are they going to get more flower-y?" I asked, my nose turned up?
Then she hands me a bag of soil. SOIL!!!!
"What am I supposed to do with that?"

You have to re-pot them, she answered.

WTF?

Now at that point I should have politely declined the flowers, but no, I try to be positive.

"Maybe I'll start gardening," my obviously delusional alter ego says. "I can use it as a
way to relax."

So I decide to take the plants home. Except, you know, I had a meeting after work so I had a lot of stuff to bring inside, so I left the plants in the car until the morning. Only, when the morning comes, I'm REALLY busy because I had to put a relaxer in my hair. I'd been rocking the head scarf thing all this week, and you know that just SCREAMS bad hair day when you do it too long. Either that or I'd converted to Islam, but either way, it ain't right. So, I'll just get the plants after work.

Only when I get off work, they're DEAD. I thought for sure I left a window down ....


And the lady at church had the NERVE to ask me to be a part of the children's ministry - really, would YOU want me watching your kids?




7 comments:

The Phoenix aka ThatGirlTam said...

I would normally be excited to be FIRST - but it appears that you don't have many comments in the first place - we're gonna have to fix that!

Thanks for stopping by. I LOVE your blog!! What's it like in Germany?? How cool! Trust me, when it's time for you to have children of your own, you won't be treating them like the lovely plants and flowers you seem to kill! HAHAHA!! I have 3 at home (the Ittle Little and the Middle Little are OURS the BIG Little is HIS) And I'm no fan of chilren either, so imagine how I must feel (having grown up an only child) with all these damn dicks runnin around my house!!

You'll be aiight...I WILL be back - and I'm bringin readers with me!!

Miss Ahmad said...

well since the phoenix is FIRST then I'm gonna holla SECOMD!

Girl you just cracked me the hell up. My housekeepers main job is to help me keep my plants alive. and I'm not even kidding.

She studied botany in Salvador and she's awesome. I have actually only killed one of my six plants, with her help in a year.

they say first plants, then pets then children. but I don't like animals...go figure!

I gotta link you to my blog, The Phoenix is right you need more readers!

No Limit said...

Yeah, my 7 friends don't use the computer much ... and the 2 that do, don't comment :)

As for Germany, I like it a lot, even though I can't go to Wal-Mart at 2 a.m. or decide to go to a restaraunt at 10. But other than that it's cool. Husband hates it though.

Good looking out though!

Anonymous said...

There is no more true statement than, "When it's time for you to have children of your own..." You'll be surprised what those little buggars do to you - they sure do grow you up. But, I still don't like other people's kids too tough, so don't feel bad.

Woodstock said...

How are you going to say I hate Germany? It's not that I hate Germany, it's just that I don't like being in the military here. I like travelling and the experience of swerving on the autobahn and being out in Europe spending Euros.

I'm glad you actually said "no" to something. You see you said yes to the plant and it died. Not to say it's your fault, but you have too much to do already. I even suggest you decline some of the stuff you're doing now.

tha_riddler said...

LOL, girl that was so funny. Didn't you kill your ivy plant too? or was that me? oh well, don't worry about the kids, they'll let you know if you leave them in the car for a long time

No Limit said...

Damn Riddler! Why you gotta be bringing up old stuff! Yeah, I killed the ivy. The bad part is they were telling us how strong the ivy was ... but on a positive note, I never left Taz in the car!