Thursday, May 04, 2006
Anyone who knows me, also knows that I'm not too keen on children. I'm totally not ready for my own yet, and can usually only take others' in small doses - no offense to my friends with kids. But you already know this. Plus, your kids aren't bad ass food court kids either, but I digress. Even so, I have buried in the deep recesses of my mind that I will have kids eventually. However, even deeper in the recesses is the fear that I will be the worst.mother.ever.
This seems to be evidenced by what I will refer to as "Plant Cemetary."
The Army is doing this thing to promote clean-up and beautification so they gave out free flowers. My co-worker, being nice, picked up some for me. Me, being a smart ass, motioned to the plant/tree next to my computer.
"Don't you see how this plant looks?" I could practically see the damn thing dying right before my eyes. I think I've watered the plant probably 5 X's in the 7 months I've worked there. And 3 of those times was with carbonated water I'd left sitting in a cup overnight.
But I figured, what's the worst that could happen and we planned to meet at our cars after work so i could get the flowers.
The "flowers" turned out to be 4 plants in a plastic thing. I saw maybe one flower out of the four.
"Are they going to get more flower-y?" I asked, my nose turned up?
Then she hands me a bag of soil. SOIL!!!!
"What am I supposed to do with that?"
You have to re-pot them, she answered.
Now at that point I should have politely declined the flowers, but no, I try to be positive.
"Maybe I'll start gardening," my obviously delusional alter ego says. "I can use it as a
way to relax."
So I decide to take the plants home. Except, you know, I had a meeting after work so I had a lot of stuff to bring inside, so I left the plants in the car until the morning. Only, when the morning comes, I'm REALLY busy because I had to put a relaxer in my hair. I'd been rocking the head scarf thing all this week, and you know that just SCREAMS bad hair day when you do it too long. Either that or I'd converted to Islam, but either way, it ain't right. So, I'll just get the plants after work.
Only when I get off work, they're DEAD. I thought for sure I left a window down ....
And the lady at church had the NERVE to ask me to be a part of the children's ministry - really, would YOU want me watching your kids?